Ok, so this is my doll blog.
All over the world, portals are opening up and fictional characters and things keep falling through. One day, two runaway girls in a small town in North Carolina decide to hide out in the woods where a portal supposedly is. The first thing they find is a life-sized Barbie's dream house.
(big rumble, trees shake) Charlie
and Lara
run towards the sound.
Charlie: What the pink hell?
Lara: OMG, it's Barbie's fucking dreamhouse!
Annnd begin:
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Just how badly did Labyrinth ruin your taste in men?
Rate your fictional crushes by these criteria in order to
find out exactly how badly Jareth, the Goblin King, ruined you.
Funny accent 50
Wonky teeth 100
Fabulous and/or hideous hair 200
Way too much makeup 300
Skinny 50
Way too old 100
Cheekbones up to Jupiter 200
Manipulative 50
Childish 50
Mildly scary 100
A great sense of style 200
A voice like god 300
God complex 200
Moves like a cat 300
Musical 300
Sadistic tendencies 100
Twisted sense of humor 200
Too smart and/or powerful for his own good 300
Power Monger 300
Monday, April 13, 2015
Grey vs. Dr. Frankenfurter
5ShadyGray: I can bring your sexual fantasies to life.
SteelRpressd: Really?
FrnkNfurt: You’re simply adorable.
5ShadyGray: Would you like to play with some toys?
SteelRpressd: Gee, I dunno…
FrnkNfurt: Toys? Why in just 7 days, baby, I can make you a
man!
5ShadyGray: Shall I give you a tour of my playroom?
SteelRpressd: OK.
FrnkNFurt: Bitch, please! I’ve got a castle with a swimming
pool and room for a pony and you want me to go back into a fucking closet?
5ShadyGray: I don’t need this from you, sissyboy. C’mon,
Steel, Let’s go to private chat.
5ShadyGray: Steel?
5ShadyGray: Hello?
5ShadyGray: Frank, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO STEEL!?
FrnkNFurt: Nothing, why? Do you think I should?
5ShadyGray: She’s MINE, don’t you DARE touch her!
FrnkNFurt: Very well, there’s no need to shout, at least,
not yet. Shall we play dress-up while we wait for Steel?
5ShadyGray: What, no! I’m a REAL man!
FrnkNfurt: I have an entire wing devoted to fishnet
stockings.
5ShadyGray: ...ok.
AAboy: Janet and Rocky are trembling with antici…
AAboy: pation.
FrnkNfurt: Very well, Come along Gray, Steele.
5ShadyGray: Yes, Master.
SteelRpressd: Yes, Master.
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Courage in adversity
Jack honey, you know I love ya, but It takes more courage to merely EXIST in extreme adversity than it does to throw yourself into the glittering expanse of adventure that is the Arctic Tundra shouting "I'm so brave!"
Friday, April 10, 2015
Cinderella
Cinderella
All illustrations made with: http://azaleasdolls.com/game_cinderella-gowns.html
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young maiden, who
wished for nothing more than to go to the King’s festival. “I Wish!” she whispered,
as she went about her day, drearily cleaning her stepmother’s house from attic
to basement.
The young maiden, whose name was Ella, was so kind hearted
that she would not even harm a mouse, and as they were very grateful and the
girl was much beloved to them, they sewed her a gown for the ball and surprised
her with it that night. Delighted, she
ran down the stairs, crying out to her Stepmother and Stepsisters, “I wish, I
wish to go to the festival! I have a gown, May I please go to the festival?”
The poor girl was orphaned in her youth, but before her
father died he remarried, leaving her with a stepmother and two stepsisters,
who were fair of face and form, but foul and black of heart. They treated her
as little more than a slave, and because she was always covered with ashes from
tending the fire, they called her “Cinderella.”
Seeing their kitchen drudge transformed into such a beauty,
they flew into a passion of jealousy, rending and tearing the beautiful gown,
crying out accusations of stealing, leaving her crying her poor, dear eyes out
in the garden.
Suddenly, in a halo of pale light, a beautiful enchantress
appeared. “Why, whomever could you be, my lady?” asked Cinderella in
wonder. “Dear child, I am your fairy
godmother, so take heart, and behold, you shall go to the festival!”
Scarcely before Cinderella could catch her breath, the enchantress
gave a wave of her lily-white hand, and one of the pumpkins became a coach, the
mice turned to horses and footmen, and her tattered rags turned into a
beautiful gown of velvet the color of the evening sky, covered in jewels which
twinkled like stars. And, most wondrous of all, her tiny feet were encased
perfectly in a pair of glass slippers. “Take heed,” warned the fairy, “at
midnight my magic shall be undone, and all shall become as it once was.”
Cinderella assured her that she would, and thanked her, as the enchanted coach
drove out of sight.
When she arrived at the ball, everyone gazed in wonder,
murmuring amongst themselves, “Who could this noble young maiden be, with her
flaming curls and large, sad eyes which hold a wisdom that belie her years?”
Indeed, the Prince himself, recognizing instantly a kind soul similar to his
own, was so taken with her that he would dance and talk with no-one else.
The Prince and Cinderella danced, and laughed, and talked of
many things, of sailing ships and sealing-wax, of cabbages and kings.
Cinderella was so involved, indeed, that she nearly forgot about midnight, and
as the palace clock struck the hour, she was so alarmed that she ran, leaving
the Prince with her heart, but without her name.
The next day, Cinderella joyfully performed her chores,
reliving the previous night in her mind. And when she heard that the King had
issued a royal decree, that the young maiden whose foot fit the glass slipper
that she had lost, would if she so wished, become his wife, Cinderella was
beside herself with happiness! But her stepmother was a clever woman, and she
had guessed what would happen if Cinderella tried on that slipper. She declared to
herself that the Prince, if he did not marry one of her daughters, would most certainly
never marry Cinderella, and as he crossed the thresh-hold, she cried out,”Why,
my poor young man, take care, you shall drop the delicate little thing, your
hands are shaking so!”
No sooner than upon the instant of hearing this, the poor
Prince, who had instantly recognized Cinderella, dropped the slipper, which
shattered into pieces at his feet. Cinderella rushed to him as he stared in terrible dismay, and said to him in a tone he would never forget, “Take heart,
dear Prince, for you see, I have the other slipper!”
Suddenly they were both bathed in a magical glow, and found
themselves saying their wedding vows in front of the entire kingdom! After the Prince had given Ella her first
kiss as his wife, she whispered into his ear, “I wish!”
The End
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