Saturday, April 18, 2015

Just how badly did Labyrinth ruin your taste in men?




Rate your fictional crushes by these criteria in order to find out exactly how badly Jareth, the Goblin King, ruined you.
Funny accent 50
Wonky teeth 100
Fabulous and/or hideous hair 200
Way too much makeup 300
Skinny 50
Way too old 100
Cheekbones up to Jupiter 200
Manipulative 50
Childish 50
Mildly scary 100
A great sense of style 200
A voice like god 300
God complex 200
Moves like a cat 300
Musical 300
Sadistic tendencies 100
Twisted sense of humor 200
Too smart and/or powerful for his own good 300
Power Monger 300






Monday, April 13, 2015

Grey vs. Dr. Frankenfurter



5ShadyGray: I can bring your sexual fantasies to life.
SteelRpressd: Really?
FrnkNfurt: You’re simply adorable.
5ShadyGray: Would you like to play with some toys?
SteelRpressd: Gee, I dunno…
FrnkNfurt: Toys? Why in just 7 days, baby, I can make you a man!
5ShadyGray: Shall I give you a tour of my playroom?
SteelRpressd: OK.
FrnkNFurt: Bitch, please! I’ve got a castle with a swimming pool and room for a pony and you want me to go back into a fucking closet?
5ShadyGray: I don’t need this from you, sissyboy. C’mon, Steel, Let’s go to private chat.
5ShadyGray: Steel?
5ShadyGray: Hello?
5ShadyGray: Frank, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO STEEL!?
FrnkNFurt: Nothing, why? Do you think I should?
5ShadyGray: She’s MINE, don’t you DARE touch her!
FrnkNFurt: Very well, there’s no need to shout, at least, not yet. Shall we play dress-up while we wait for Steel?
5ShadyGray: What, no! I’m a REAL man!
FrnkNfurt: I have an entire wing devoted to fishnet stockings.
5ShadyGray: ...ok.
AAboy: Janet and Rocky are trembling with antici…
AAboy: pation.
FrnkNfurt: Very well, Come along Gray, Steele.
5ShadyGray: Yes, Master.
SteelRpressd: Yes, Master.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Courage in adversity

Jack honey, you know I love ya, but It takes more courage to merely EXIST in extreme adversity than it does to throw yourself into the glittering expanse of adventure that is the Arctic Tundra shouting "I'm so brave!"


Random


Friday, April 10, 2015

Cinderella



Cinderella 


Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young maiden, who wished for nothing more than to go to the King’s festival. “I Wish!” she whispered, as she went about her day, drearily cleaning her stepmother’s house from attic to basement.


The young maiden, whose name was Ella, was so kind hearted that she would not even harm a mouse, and as they were very grateful and the girl was much beloved to them, they sewed her a gown for the ball and surprised her with it  that night. Delighted, she ran down the stairs, crying out to her Stepmother and Stepsisters, “I wish, I wish to go to the festival! I have a gown, May I please go to the festival?”


The poor girl was orphaned in her youth, but before her father died he remarried, leaving her with a stepmother and two stepsisters, who were fair of face and form, but foul and black of heart. They treated her as little more than a slave, and because she was always covered with ashes from tending the fire, they called her “Cinderella.”


Seeing their kitchen drudge transformed into such a beauty, they flew into a passion of jealousy, rending and tearing the beautiful gown, crying out accusations of stealing, leaving her crying her poor, dear eyes out in the garden.


Suddenly, in a halo of pale light, a beautiful enchantress appeared. “Why, whomever could you be, my lady?” asked Cinderella in wonder.  “Dear child, I am your fairy godmother, so take heart, and behold, you shall go to the festival!”


Scarcely before Cinderella could catch her breath, the enchantress gave a wave of her lily-white hand, and one of the pumpkins became a coach, the mice turned to horses and footmen, and her tattered rags turned into a beautiful gown of velvet the color of the evening sky, covered in jewels which twinkled like stars. And, most wondrous of all, her tiny feet were encased perfectly in a pair of glass slippers. “Take heed,” warned the fairy, “at midnight my magic shall be undone, and all shall become as it once was.” Cinderella assured her that she would, and thanked her, as the enchanted coach drove out of sight.


When she arrived at the ball, everyone gazed in wonder, murmuring amongst themselves, “Who could this noble young maiden be, with her flaming curls and large, sad eyes which hold a wisdom that belie her years?” Indeed, the Prince himself, recognizing instantly a kind soul similar to his own, was so taken with her that he would dance and talk with no-one else.


The Prince and Cinderella danced, and laughed, and talked of many things, of sailing ships and sealing-wax, of cabbages and kings. Cinderella was so involved, indeed, that she nearly forgot about midnight, and as the palace clock struck the hour, she was so alarmed that she ran, leaving the Prince with her heart, but without her name.


The next day, Cinderella joyfully performed her chores, reliving the previous night in her mind. And when she heard that the King had issued a royal decree, that the young maiden whose foot fit the glass slipper that she had lost, would if she so wished, become his wife, Cinderella was beside herself with happiness! But her stepmother was a clever woman, and she had guessed what would happen if Cinderella tried on that slipper. She declared to herself that the Prince, if he did not marry one of her daughters, would most certainly never marry Cinderella, and as he crossed the thresh-hold, she cried out,”Why, my poor young man, take care, you shall drop the delicate little thing, your hands are shaking so!”


No sooner than upon the instant of hearing this, the poor Prince, who had instantly recognized Cinderella, dropped the slipper, which shattered into pieces at his feet. Cinderella rushed to him as he stared in terrible dismay, and said to him in a tone he would never forget, “Take heart, dear Prince, for you see, I have the other slipper!”


Suddenly they were both bathed in a magical glow, and found themselves saying their wedding vows in front of the entire kingdom!  After the Prince had given Ella her first kiss as his wife, she whispered into his ear, “I wish!”

The End